They’ve probably been there for some time now. Changes so gradual, so slight, they were easy to deny.
But today when I looked in the mirror they stared back at me, taunting my sense of vanity ~ and reality. Is this really me? My eyes - different in a way I can’t even name. The furrowed lines - those that used to pop up on demand helping to express my Pandora’s Box of emotions - are now embedded permanently, leaving subtle, muddy shadows. My God, I thought. I’m really not thirty-five anymore.
My guess is that I’ve probably been in denial for awhile. In my head, my age ranges anywhere from 35 and 45. Clearly there’s a disconnect here. BUT! My inside screams. I'm still the same person. I feel the same; see life in the same way I always have - as huge buffet with so many tantalizing options to explore. I pretty much behave the same way, too. Optimistic, friendly, serious, responsible, crazy - whatever. I even dare to think of myself as kind of “cool” for my age (though I may definitely be off on that one).
Gotta wonder, though. If I’ve been so delusional about the physical changes taking place, is the rest of me aging that much without my seeing it, too? I can see it coming now. Sweater on in 80 degree weather, elevator music in the background, yatty-yah...
Okay, maybe I need to rethink this. Let's say I'm not completely delusional - just more resistant about this aging thing than I thought I’d be. Seriously, I don’t mind being 50.
It's definitely got its benefits - less stress, no pressure to prove oneself, a healthy sense of self. But now that my physical looks have caught up, I wonder where it's going to take me.
On the Vanity Scale, I’m probably a 6 or 7. Looking good is important, but it’s never been a critical focus. But now I've hit the inevitable truth. So, how resistant am I? How much will it really mean to look as young as I feel? I hear the voice calling now. Get out the extra dose of creams and lotions, kid. You're in for a ride.
How old do YOU feel inside? Is there any kind of a disconnect between your age, your looks, and how young you really feel? Or, as coined on Dr. Phil lately, Am I The Only One?
Sunday, July 11, 2010
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About Me
- Trish
- Costa Rica
- 50's and Fabulous - that's the way it's supposed to be, right? I have to admit, being here is not such a bad deal. A few years ago we sold the farm (literally) and moved to the jungle. Who knew that I'd be spending life with monkeys, scarlet macaws and sloths? It's actually pretty awesome, though I have learned that no Paradise is perfect. I'll tell you more about that sometime... But for now, come share all the savvy and sparkle we've grown into over the years. Speak your heart, tell your stories. Here's to us ~ Cheers!
To all you fabulous fifty year olds: you are beautiful inside and out. From a vantage point of 14 years arriba de 50, I can assure you that there are many spectacular moments of joy ahead.
ReplyDeleteGranted, wrinkles deepen, but all are honestly earned. Be especially grateful for those "laugh lines" and will them to deepen daily.
Celebrate that Costa Rica is a land of poor lighting and few mirrors, and bring back pink light bulbs from the States if you must.
Costa Rica is also a wonderful place to take time to be quiet and thankful to be.
Wow, Susan, I needed that. And I especially love your line "be grateful for those laugh lines and will them to deepen daily." It's a perfect reflection of your pure and beautiful spirit. Now that's wisdom!
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting - you SO made my day!
When you mention looking as young as you feel I have 2 thoughts.. One is "ouch" -I have similar moments. And,like you I struggle with what 55 is "supposed" to look like.
ReplyDeleteThe other is about our culture. We fail to allow people to identify wrinkles, graying hair, and the other little unique characteristics of aging as beautiful. It's all about flawless and youth... Do we want to wipe away our past? I think faces of older women are beautiful, but I've been conditioned to think they're flawed and need treatment, surgery, camouflage. And, when I think that, I've bought into Madison Avenue.
So for me that means no hair dye, but yes to a good underwire bra, no expensive creams but a little more attention to moisturizer. And, no negative comparisons to an airbrushed photos of women my age.