Who would you have been if you hadn't been you?
Okay, strange question, right? But if I answer that myself, I'd say (and no laughing, please...)
Dancer ~ You know, the backup Dean Martin's GoldDigger kind. Wait, am I the only one who remembers them?
Psychologist ~ How much fun would it be to try to figure someone else out for a change?
Explorer, Traveler ~ Anything to do with National Geographic would have been incredible. It's a big world out there, and I've only gotten small tastes of it. Bummer.
Writer-Turned-Author ~ I would love to have had the right schooling and experience to do the writing thing right. Oh, well. Maybe next time 'round.
Quaint Little Book Store Owner ~ To be able to read all the way through the store, interrupted only by the occasional customer.
Since we're living longer, why couldn't we combine a few lives into one if we want to? I'd love to keep reinventing and recreating myself to get the most of this ride. But then again, by looking at this list, I may need to do some rethinking...
So, who would you want to be?
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Life Styles
Okay, I know I’m pinging back and forth between the concepts of what makes a good marriage and what makes a perfect life. So let’s ping back to living a perfect paradise. What is your perfect life scenario?
If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that the answer to that question generally changes for me about every three to five years. I get this itch, this craving to seek out new places and experiences. I never understood people who hate change - for me it’s as essential as breathing. And so far this approach has worked (though yes, I have settled down in one place for long periods - it’s just not my preference.) The toughest part, though, is in the decision making stage that comes before. I am unsettled ~ out of balance.
For Jeff and I three years ago, paradise meant was escaping to a beautiful country, leaving the stress and intensity of careers behind, living simply in a place with low taxes and health care insurance (not to mention the good fishing). You’d think that’d be enough, right? My word, how greedy can we get to want more?
Maybe not more, but different. The good side is that we retired early - at 47 and 54 years old. But that’s the not-so-good part too. We’ve relished being free from the working world to build our home here. But now that we’re settled, what’s next? Is there a paradise where we can be productive, but without the intensity and stress of major careers? And if so, what do we want to do - who do we want to be - as we continue to evolve?
Our second dilemma is that our present paradise isn’t nearly as inexpensive as we thought it would be. Will our nest egg last? Prices for goods and services are close to those States-side. Should we down-size here or somewhere else?
What are you complaining about? I can hear you say. I’d give anything to be in your shoes. I might be saying the same thing. But really, apart from the retirement part, you might be facing some of the same challenges.
Who do you want to be over the course of the next few years?
Do you stress over the insane cost of living where you are?
Is there really any other place you’d rather be? And if so, how would it change things?
That less one is the biggy for us. Does where you do something change anything?
Hmmm….
If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that the answer to that question generally changes for me about every three to five years. I get this itch, this craving to seek out new places and experiences. I never understood people who hate change - for me it’s as essential as breathing. And so far this approach has worked (though yes, I have settled down in one place for long periods - it’s just not my preference.) The toughest part, though, is in the decision making stage that comes before. I am unsettled ~ out of balance.
For Jeff and I three years ago, paradise meant was escaping to a beautiful country, leaving the stress and intensity of careers behind, living simply in a place with low taxes and health care insurance (not to mention the good fishing). You’d think that’d be enough, right? My word, how greedy can we get to want more?
Maybe not more, but different. The good side is that we retired early - at 47 and 54 years old. But that’s the not-so-good part too. We’ve relished being free from the working world to build our home here. But now that we’re settled, what’s next? Is there a paradise where we can be productive, but without the intensity and stress of major careers? And if so, what do we want to do - who do we want to be - as we continue to evolve?
Our second dilemma is that our present paradise isn’t nearly as inexpensive as we thought it would be. Will our nest egg last? Prices for goods and services are close to those States-side. Should we down-size here or somewhere else?
What are you complaining about? I can hear you say. I’d give anything to be in your shoes. I might be saying the same thing. But really, apart from the retirement part, you might be facing some of the same challenges.
Who do you want to be over the course of the next few years?
Do you stress over the insane cost of living where you are?
Is there really any other place you’d rather be? And if so, how would it change things?
That less one is the biggy for us. Does where you do something change anything?
Hmmm….
KEEPING IT REAL
What are the ingredients in a rich, solid, marriage?
As part of my research, I'm reading a book called, "Marry Him - the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough," by Lori Gottlieb. Essentially, the author posits that the reason many over-40 women haven't married is that they're so intent on finding their perfect man ~ the operative word being perfect. She says women are being far too picky on things that may not even really matter in the long run of a good healthy bond.
So what does make a marriage thrive? Close your eyes and list your top 5 attributes. When you met your mate, did he fit the exact bill of what you were looking for? Were there any qualities you compromised on, or even overlooked? In the end, did those things end up mattering?
When Jeff asked me to dance, I'd only been separated four months. I was out with a group of friends, and not at all in the "single woman seeking life partner" mode. As he took my hand, I warned him of my lack of coordination. I can dance alone, but can't follow someone's lead for anything.
"Don't worry - I'll take good care of you," he said.
He did, and at the break we went outside on a bench. We talked about everything - family, friends, travel, the difference between young and old souls, and mostly, where we were in life.
"You've got a great soul," I said. "I get the sense you've always been a friend."
Still, I didn't feel any real expectations for the relationship, let alone a marriage. I just felt full, completely comfortable with this person. he was warm, funny, cute and real. But would we be together if I'd been in my "single woman" mode, running down my must-have checklist and scrutinizing his every move? And if so, would he have dismissed me right then?
Too tall, too short, too eager, too sports-minded...what do those really have to do with a great marriage? Not a whole heck of alot. But that's not to say there aren't important ingredients to make marriage a success.
My advice to single women would be this: KEEP IT REAL.
1. Get some perspective of what the every day experience of marriage is really like. What
is typical, normal, realistic?
2. Keep your list of expectations real and short. Prioritize. What will really matter in the
long run?
3. Be willing to compromise, but not compromise your self. It's one thing having
expectations be too high, it's another to have them too low. Again, keep it real.
So, what have you learned about what matters in your marriage? Here's the chance to gather some of our wisdom to give real "inside info" to marriage-ready women. What's yours?
As part of my research, I'm reading a book called, "Marry Him - the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough," by Lori Gottlieb. Essentially, the author posits that the reason many over-40 women haven't married is that they're so intent on finding their perfect man ~ the operative word being perfect. She says women are being far too picky on things that may not even really matter in the long run of a good healthy bond.
So what does make a marriage thrive? Close your eyes and list your top 5 attributes. When you met your mate, did he fit the exact bill of what you were looking for? Were there any qualities you compromised on, or even overlooked? In the end, did those things end up mattering?
When Jeff asked me to dance, I'd only been separated four months. I was out with a group of friends, and not at all in the "single woman seeking life partner" mode. As he took my hand, I warned him of my lack of coordination. I can dance alone, but can't follow someone's lead for anything.
"Don't worry - I'll take good care of you," he said.
He did, and at the break we went outside on a bench. We talked about everything - family, friends, travel, the difference between young and old souls, and mostly, where we were in life.
"You've got a great soul," I said. "I get the sense you've always been a friend."
Still, I didn't feel any real expectations for the relationship, let alone a marriage. I just felt full, completely comfortable with this person. he was warm, funny, cute and real. But would we be together if I'd been in my "single woman" mode, running down my must-have checklist and scrutinizing his every move? And if so, would he have dismissed me right then?
Too tall, too short, too eager, too sports-minded...what do those really have to do with a great marriage? Not a whole heck of alot. But that's not to say there aren't important ingredients to make marriage a success.
My advice to single women would be this: KEEP IT REAL.
1. Get some perspective of what the every day experience of marriage is really like. What
is typical, normal, realistic?
2. Keep your list of expectations real and short. Prioritize. What will really matter in the
long run?
3. Be willing to compromise, but not compromise your self. It's one thing having
expectations be too high, it's another to have them too low. Again, keep it real.
So, what have you learned about what matters in your marriage? Here's the chance to gather some of our wisdom to give real "inside info" to marriage-ready women. What's yours?
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About Me
- Trish
- Costa Rica
- 50's and Fabulous - that's the way it's supposed to be, right? I have to admit, being here is not such a bad deal. A few years ago we sold the farm (literally) and moved to the jungle. Who knew that I'd be spending life with monkeys, scarlet macaws and sloths? It's actually pretty awesome, though I have learned that no Paradise is perfect. I'll tell you more about that sometime... But for now, come share all the savvy and sparkle we've grown into over the years. Speak your heart, tell your stories. Here's to us ~ Cheers!