KEEPING IT REAL

What are the ingredients in a rich, solid, marriage?

As part of my research, I'm reading a book called, "Marry Him - the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough," by Lori Gottlieb. Essentially, the author posits that the reason many over-40 women haven't married is that they're so intent on finding their perfect man ~ the operative word being perfect. She says women are being far too picky on things that may not even really matter in the long run of a good healthy bond.

So what does make a marriage thrive? Close your eyes and list your top 5 attributes. When you met your mate, did he fit the exact bill of what you were looking for? Were there any qualities you compromised on, or even overlooked? In the end, did those things end up mattering?

When Jeff asked me to dance, I'd only been separated four months. I was out with a group of friends, and not at all in the "single woman seeking life partner" mode. As he took my hand, I warned him of my lack of coordination. I can dance alone, but can't follow someone's lead for anything.

"Don't worry - I'll take good care of you," he said.

He did, and at the break we went outside on a bench. We talked about everything - family, friends, travel, the difference between young and old souls, and mostly, where we were in life.

"You've got a great soul," I said. "I get the sense you've always been a friend."

Still, I didn't feel any real expectations for the relationship, let alone a marriage. I just felt full, completely comfortable with this person. he was warm, funny, cute and real. But would we be together if I'd been in my "single woman" mode, running down my must-have checklist and scrutinizing his every move? And if so, would he have dismissed me right then?

Too tall, too short, too eager, too sports-minded...what do those really have to do with a great marriage? Not a whole heck of alot. But that's not to say there aren't important ingredients to make marriage a success.

My advice to single women would be this: KEEP IT REAL.

1. Get some perspective of what the every day experience of marriage is really like. What
is typical, normal, realistic?

2. Keep your list of expectations real and short. Prioritize. What will really matter in the
long run?

3. Be willing to compromise, but not compromise your self. It's one thing having
expectations be too high, it's another to have them too low. Again, keep it real.

So, what have you learned about what matters in your marriage? Here's the chance to gather some of our wisdom to give real "inside info" to marriage-ready women. What's yours?