What's the greatest difference between happy people and unhappy people?
As I stood at the sink washing the dishes, I overheard a psychologist on TV answering that question. Through therapy with hundreds of patients, he had come to one conclusion. He said that happy people are those who choose and follow their own paths - especially regarding careers. Unhappy people are those who yielded to someone else thinking they knew what was best for them.
First of all, I'm surprised at his answer. Not that I disagree that it's essential to follow your own dreams and passions. I'm just blown away that this was a common factor in so many of his patients' happiness. Are there still that many people who deny themselves the power to choose their own lives? Especially in this "it's all about me" generation?
I'm no psychologist, but I would have answered the question differently. The few unhappy people I know don't lack a willingness to choose on their own. They lack resilience. At the slightest thing going wrong, or not going their way, they freak out and rage against the unfairness of it all. After all this time - and experience - they still haven't figured out that problems are an inherent part of life's gig.
Get a grip! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and find an alternative plan (which usually works out better anyway). In other words, be a Gumby. That way, whatever choice you make will ultimately make you happy.
There are, of course, many other things that set happy and unhappy people apart. What would you say they are?
Monday, June 14, 2010
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About Me
- Trish
- Costa Rica
- 50's and Fabulous - that's the way it's supposed to be, right? I have to admit, being here is not such a bad deal. A few years ago we sold the farm (literally) and moved to the jungle. Who knew that I'd be spending life with monkeys, scarlet macaws and sloths? It's actually pretty awesome, though I have learned that no Paradise is perfect. I'll tell you more about that sometime... But for now, come share all the savvy and sparkle we've grown into over the years. Speak your heart, tell your stories. Here's to us ~ Cheers!
I agree with you but I also agree, to a degree, with the therapist. I spent way too much time living the life and more recently the job, I thought I was supposed to live. I've wasted too much time being the good daughter, dutiful wife, etc... And, I think culture encourages us to follow the norm. Finally at the age of 55 I'm doing what I want, without regard to others' opinions. Incredibly liberating!!!!
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ReplyDeleteBeing the youngest out of six, I think I had more of a chance to choose my own paths more than my siblings did. They married young, and although they were all successful at it, I wasn't sure it was right for me. I was able to explore the world in my 20's. It definitely wasn't the norm, and you're right-I don't think culture has changed very much as to which roads to follow - it raised a lot of eyebrows. But I was lucky enough to have a supportive family (if not a baffled one). Maybe that was the key. When I told my parents I'd gotten a teaching job in Guatemala, at first they sat quietly, not responding. But then my father said, "Patricia Ann, if I were young and free, I'd go exploring the world, too." God bless him.
But I wonder, even when we're unhappy with our circumstances (my first marriage was a 13-year bust - I know I made that choice out of pressure), can we still be happy people, though? I think I've always felt that that was who I am inside, even when my outside stuff was falling apart.
I've been accused of being a romantic, hopelessly optimistic, and too quick to "get over" the injustices of life... I believe that resilience is an underrated characteristic, and I believe that is what I am - and a good thing. What I am not sure is whether or not it is a chicken or egg thing. Does having the where-with-all to be resilient make it easier to be happy or vice versa?
ReplyDeleteMe too, Becky - we sound very much alike. I've been accused of those things too, and yet I refuse to make apologies. I think being able to take control and bounce back has come in pretty handy all these years. This world's just way to crazy to get hung up on the little things, and I definitely can't stand to be stuck in a rut when the big things aren't right. No doubt, I avoid negativity and conflict like the plague. Give me optimism any day!
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