GIRLS, GIRLS & MATTERS OF THE HEART

There's a story brewing in me -one I dream of turning into a book someday. Here I am, a woman who (oh, so gratefully!) found true love the second time around. But what was it that made me "settle" in my first marriage? What attitudes did I have about myself and my relationships with men that led to committing a lifetime to someone so entirely wrong for me? And, am I the only one?

Seeing through the magically wise lens of time and distance, I can see where I went wrong. And then I look at the girls of today and wonder. Will they have more awareness and insight when choosing their husbands?

Young women seem to be so savvy, confident, empowered. And yet, disturbing trends show how easily some are giving themselves up to be loved. Like providing sexual favors and of course, getting little in return (think: way younger, way intimate). You also hear more about sexual and emotional abuse in dating. And just this week I heard about a new thing. Boys are calling their (supposed) girlfriends, "my body" - as in, "She's my BODY." Excuse me? And then young teen girls are getting plastic surgery to be more "perfect". This is progress?

Granted, I could have this all wrong. My nieces visited this past 2 weeks (hence the spotty delivery of blogs - so sorry)! It was a perfect opportunity to get to know how 20-something's feel about love and relationships. Were they willing to compromise themselves to be loved?

Not a chance. Mind you, these are two bright, worldly, gorgeous girls who work in TV production in L.A. and have lived in New York City. Their experiences are a lot different than mine ever were - and possibly even those of their peers. But that's the idea.

So, are relationships between young women and men different now than when you were there? I'd really like to explore the concept, and welcome your wisdom on the subject. With the girls, I started out by asking them to complete the following sentences:

When I was a teen, I thought boys were...
Now in my 20's, I think men are...

How would YOU have answered those questions then? And just for fun, let's add one more for you to weigh in on:
Now, later in life, I think men...


There'll be more questions and more answers to come. If you have daughters, granddaughters, or nieces, ask them to join in, too. This could get interesting!

Midlife, Schmidlife!

Now that I’m here, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to come up with a better name for this thing called “midlife”. It's the “mid” part that bothers me most. It's got  a certain connotation of being, well, neither here nor there. Like midstream. Middle of the road. Fair to middling. As if we’re floating nebulously somewhere along some great continuum.

The thing is, I like being here. Sure it’s got its drawbacks (like skin beginning to drip like candle wax and brain fuzz I can only hope to blame on menopause.) But generally speaking, it’s the best place I’ve ever been. If it has to have a label, I want it to describe not only where we are in life, but how. Still chasing dreams and accomplishing goals. Still crazy after all these years. “Mid” anything just doesn’t work for me.

So I broke out the thesaurus. The most positive synonyms for “middle” I could come up with were heart, core, and center. Then I searched “life”, which took me from life spans to states of being. Lord, I tried every combination to get away from this “midlife” thing.

So here’s what I came up with: either CENTERSTAGE or PRIMETIME. Neither are perfect,  but at least they shine a more distinctive and positive focus on who we really are -  successful, spirited selves (even if we don’t always feel that way.) And with a little extra-added wisdom, too.

So what do you think? How are you in this thing called midlife? And do you have a better name for it? Let’s get something going here!

Today's Sage Spark: Wise Words To Live By

If you were to leave your legacy in writing, what would you say? What sage advice would you leave to those coming after you about the essence of life and the best way to live it?

Of all the decisions we've ever made, the headiest of all was probably made back as a child. We watched. We listened. We gathered messages up from the adults around us. At one time or another we thought, I'll never be like that...When I grow up, I'll be better, do things differently. My way.

So, how have you chosen to live? Have you been true to the self you envisioned?

At some point in college I stumbled upon to Robert Frost's poem, The Road Not Taken. "Two roads diverged in the woods and I... I took the one less traveled by... and that has made all the difference.

I was intrigued with those last lines. Yahoo, I thought. This is who I want to be. I realized then that the power to choose exhilarated me. This one life was laid out before me like a blank journal. All these options, and I could take any path I wanted. BE whomever I wanted. Not just professionally, but as a person. Definitely a gift.

I've chosen paths, and sometimes they've chosen me. Some have led me straight to where I wanted. Most have taken me the long way around. No matter. I learned to appreciate and find the value in wherever I was. No regrets.

So if I were to leave my legacy, this is what I'd say. Embrace your power to choose. Take responsibility for living your own dreams. Never look back. And mostly, enjoy the ride.

This philosophy has apparently worked for me, so I'm sticking to it. But I'm not done yet. I've got far to go. Too many choices set out before me like a sumptuous buffet. Ah, now what to savor next?


And now, who are you? Who have you been? What legacy will be yours to pass on?