Life Without Kids

"Do you have any kids?"


A natural question, and one that stumps me every time. I see what? in the inquirers' eyes - pity? disbelief? My knee-jerk reaction is always to ease their angst, to console them. I feel defensive all of a sudden, and I'm not sure why.  No, I'm not infertile (at least to my knowledge!) No, I don't dislike children - just the opposite is true. I was simply married to an older man who'd been there, done that. It just wasn't my path to take. 


Talk about being in the minority, though. Motherhood is something very special - who wouldn't want to be a member of that club? The funny thing is, it never bothered me to be different.  I've been pretty content with the life I've led. It's only that deer-in-the-headlights feeling I get during those few moments of questioning. And it's even worse here in Costa Rica. The latin culture absolutely glorifies motherhood - you are nothing if not a mother. No matter how young you are, nor how poor. It's what makes you a woman. Even our gardener probed about my physical ability to be one. Yikes - talk about getting personal!


Neither Jeff nor I had kids in our "former lives". We laugh, saying that had we met way earlier, we'd probably have had a brood and would never have been able to pack up to come live in our little paradise. We're pretty okay with how that worked out.  No matter what, every road taken has patches both smooth and rough.


Are you a mom? If so, I'd love to know what you think and feel when you encounter someone who isn't. 

And if you don't have kids, what's been your experience with this thing called childlessness?

Musings on Motherhood

When you were a little girl, do you remember dreaming of yourself as a mom? What your kids would look like, be like - what their names would be? 

This morning we called to wish my mother-in-law a Happy Mother’s Day.  She commented on the blog, and how, at 81, she can truly say she’s been able to realize her dreams in this life. One of those dreams, she said, was to have a daughter. Even at five years old, she had a name picked out - Peggy Ann - after "my beautiful mother Margaret".

My little girl was going to be Jennifer. Such a pretty name! I was in my early teens, and didn’t even question my fate as a mother. And if I had boys? Well, they’d be Joshua, Jordan, Kevin, or Keith. (Yes, J's & K's).

My mother-in-law did have a daughter, though not a Peggy Ann. Charlie wanted the baby named after her, his lovely wife. And so Ann Virginia she became - Ginny for short. Three boys later, and no Peggy Ann. Still, she couldn’t have been happier - simply to be Mom.

My destiny was different than I’d imagined back then. Having children wasn’t meant to be, though truth be told, I’ve always been perfectly happy with that. Don’t get me wrong - I love children. But as a young auntie watching her older siblings go through the everyday challenges of life with kids, I could see both its joys and its trials pretty clearly. I ended up having the best of both worlds. 
I got to play with and adore all kids around me - getting their best, and then going away. Selfish? Maybe a little. Still, I wonder if my not having kids had made me a better aunt, teacher, and school principal. I could pour my heart and hugs into them, and I did.  But at the end of the day, I'd put that key in the door and breathe freely, and yes, I guess, a bit self-centeredly.

I absolutely believe that there’s purpose and reason to everything - no matter what paths we choose, or choose us. Would I have been a good mother? I think so - my own mother was a wonderful role model. My sisters are great moms. But since I wasn’t, I’ve been fortunate to pursue my personal dreams, which have taken me down some pretty amazing roads. That was just simply me. 

That said, this is my message to successful mothers everywhere:  I lift my glass to you. You're brave, loving and selfless. Your children are our future ~ our hope. May their paths be as true as yours, whatever they may be. Happy Mother's Day!


I ask again, did you dream of being a mother when you were a child? Did the life you foresaw then come to pass? Tell us about it!